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Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Why It's NEVER Okay to Look Twice

I was getting in the car yesterday and a woman walked by. I noticed that she was attractive but thought nothing more of it. As I was driving away I laughed to myself because in my single days I would have certainly gotten a second look and perhaps even a third to confirm my initial, instinctual assessment. But yesterday the thought to look again didn't even cross my mind.

Immediately I began to reflect on this and what was different now from when I was single. Obviously now I am married and it would be inappropriate for me to "get a better look." I devote all of my double takes to my smashingly beautiful wife.

But really it's because I have trained my eyes and my mind not to look twice at other women. I found many years ago that a second look typically leads to a third. Those second and third looks lead to thoughts and often fantasies about what would happen if I weren't married/with the person I'm in a relationship with (I'm not talking about anything erotic, just what ifs like how a conversation might go).

Those thoughts would make me feel the beginning tinges of guilt and disloyalty to my amazing wife and I would then have the chore of "dumping" those thoughts from my mind. Not an easy task.

As I drove I remembered dating in high school and junior high and having no qualms about looking twice at other girls. My friends and I would evaluate other girls and compare them to the girls we were dating or interested in. I think that's pretty typical behavior and young men have been doing it for generations, maybe even forever.

Next, the question formed in my mind, "why was it okay to look twice then but not now?"

After much consideration the short answer is that I hadn't made a commitment then to any of those girls to be 100% completely faithful to them physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually for the rest of my life. I have made that commitment to my Cami-girl. That's the difference.

The moral of this story is that looking twice plants the seeds of infidelity. To be perfectly clear, I am NOT saying that looking twice is adultery or being unfaithful. Looking twice puts you on the pathway that leads to infidelity.

This goes for both men and women. Women often feel like they are exempt from this but they are not. When either a man or a woman look twice they open themselves up to the temptation to keep looking and after that one thing generally leads to another.

This is why it is NEVER okay to look twice.



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7 comments:

  1. Very interesting post. :)

    Thanks for joining the Link Up this week!

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  2. I'm glad I've stumbled across your blog and it's great hearing a man's perspective. I know as a wife, I am my husband's helper, so if I see something that I know could tempt a double look, I say something like "Keep looking over here," etc. I trust my husband completely and have one that would whole-heartedly agree with your post. Keep up the great encouragement!

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    1. Erin, that's wonderful that you help your husband. What a blessing you are to him! I'm glad that he treats you with the respect you deserve by being faithful. Please come back often and thank you for sharing your comment! Have a great day!!

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  3. I completely agree with you here. It takes some purposeful living, but makes such a difference in my marriage! Thank you for sharing!

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    1. Of course. Thank you for stopping by Bekki!

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  4. Thank you for pointing out that women are not exempt from this. As a woman I do sometimes feel the excuse there that 'I don't have a problem with it'… but those looks still are unfaithful to my awesome husband. If I didn't have a problem why would I even want to look again??

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    1. Sometimes I find that a second look is really precipitated by curiosity. "Did I REALLY just see that?" But too often that second look turns into a stare and so on. Thanks for stopping by Adelaide!!

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