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Thursday, August 7, 2014

The Words that Go Unspoken

"There once was a cute little couple,
They hoped that their joy would quintuple.
But their feelings of love went unspoken,
And in time the cute couple was broken."

Just so you know, I am the author of that poem. You can quote it if you would like. I also believe you are now aware that my skills as a poet are not as finely honed as they could be.

Here's a question from English class: What message is the author of this simple poem trying to convey?

As the author, let me tell you. All of us who have ever been in a serious romantic relationship have experienced those moments where nothing needs to be said. Silence is okay and often even conveys the depth of emotion we feel for the other person. In these moments speaking would almost be a sin of irreverence because of the special feeling that fills the moment.

At times like these the words "I love you" don't need to be spoken aloud because they are felt so deeply. And that's okay. Let them go unspoken.

However, at other times letting the simple phrase "I love you" go unsaid is akin to a sin.

I have heard many times, from both women and men, that they don't tell their spouse they love them very often because they want it to stay special and mean something. If they say it too often, they believe, it makes the phrase somehow less significant and less meaningful.

Others have told me that they don't need to tell their spouse that they love them because they already know (again women have told me this too). And from a third group I have heard "I don't need to tell my husband/wife that I love them because I show them that I love them."

This is all well and good and it is important to make sure that telling our spouse we love them is special and means something, that our spouses already know that we love them, and that we show our spouses that we love them but TELLING them, actually SAYING IT OUT LOUD is also critically important.

Cami and I have counted before the number of times we said "I love you" to each other in a day. It was like thirty times. Here are some of them:
  • I tell Cami I love her when I am leaving to work out in the morning. She's asleep when I leave but that's okay, subconsciously she hears it.
  • We tell each other when I get home from working out
  • When I get in the shower
  • When I leave for work
  • Just before we hang up a phone call with each other
  • When I come home for lunch
  • When I leave to go back to work after lunch
  • When she comes to visit me at work
  • When I come home from work
  • In at least one text message
  • Often in an email we send to each other
  • When one of us leaves a room we were in together
  • Before we read scriptures at bedtime
  • When we turn off the light to go to bed
There are more but these are the pretty typical ones. I love to tell my wife that I love her. In fact, I have a personal rule that I want the last thing I say to my wife before I die to be "I love you." Because I don't know when I'm going to go I say it all the time.

And you know what? We're madly in love. I show her that I love her, she knows in her heart that I love her, I tell her I love her at special and meaningful times, and I TELL HER that I love her all of the time.

If you're not already in the habit of saying out loud to your spouse that you love them try it for three days. Say it all the time. And mean it. Then send me an email or leave a comment here or on Facebook and let me know if anything is different in your life and your marriage. It will be but I want you to see and know that too. Seriously, try it for three days and share with me the results.

We should all know that our spouses love us. Let's remind each other just how much a little more often.

For more great ways to tell and show your spouse you love them pickup a copy of my book, Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great, by clicking the link below and have it delivered to your inbox today!

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  1. Not to be redundant, but I love telling Hun I love him. Each time I say it, it's special and meaningful. I believe that there's no reason not to tell him I love him, tell him often, show him, and otherwise express the deep and pure love and gratitude I have for him in my life. Same goes for Baby Boy. I may fuss at him, but I always tell him I love him. I've never counted, but I know we say I love you to one another multiple times a day. :)

    Stopping over from Mama Moments Mondays!

  2. What a blessing your post is to remind us to use these words lavishly with our loved ones. Thank you for sharing your lovely post with us here at “Tell Me a Story.” At:

  3. Craig and I are people who say it A LOT. You never know what the day will hold and how that will nourish your spouse.


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