In August I wrote a post entitled "80 Percent of Divorces are Filed By Women" in which I discussed this statistic that I had recently come across and what I thought about it. I encouraged husbands to work a little harder at keeping their wives happy. I recommend doing a few small and simple things like telling her you love her and supporting her in her pursuits. It was a pretty good post. :)
I received a couple of comments on the post (I really appreciate those of you who take the time to share with me, I love to read your comments). One of them was from a man named Jack. I am so grateful that Jack stopped by and left his comment. It has caused me to do some serious reflecting and led to a few very good conversations with Cami.
Jack, thank you! I appreciate your honesty and candor. I want to respond directly to your comment with this post. I have never done this before so know that your comment really is appreciated and I would love to hear your response to what I am about to say.
To summarize the comment (you can read it in full on the post), Jack asked whether men not treating their wives as well as they ought might be caused by the woman not showing the proper respect for her husband. I agree, this can certainly be a downward spiral. The wife is disrespectful to her husband therefore he responds in kind which lessens what respect his wife still has for him and she acts accordingly so the husband reciprocates, and on and on it goes until divorce is imminent.
I do think this does happen. It is sad and unfortunate and nearly always was never the intention of either party but by the end neither has any respect for the other and so they dissolve their union. Jack referred to this death spiral as "chicken and egg". Let me deviate for just a moment.
If you ask was the woman or the child created first the answer is the woman. We know this from the Bible. However, the woman wasn't really first, she was just before the child and helped make the child possible. The man was actually first. Therefore, it stands to reason that the rooster was actually first, then the chicken, then the egg (so technically the answer is the chicken but I stand by my rooster answer).
Now don't take my teenage response as doctrine, it was just the thought of a boy. But the same out-of-the-box thinking can be applied in this case. Whose fault is the divorce? Or more specifically, who started the disrespect? The rooster did. Just kidding. It doesn't matter who started it (though I still believe it will nearly always be the man, albeit generally unintentionally). What matters is that it doesn't continue, that it isn't perpetuated.
So, in response to Jack's suggestion that a lack of respect is the problem, I wholeheartedly concur. However, it is a husband's responsibility to love his wife and treat her with the respect that she deserves as his wife (whether or not he feels she deserves it). And, conversely, it is a wife's responsibility to show her husband the proper respect. The key (or the rooster) is that no matter what my wife does or does not do it cannot and will not excuse me from my responsibility to respect her.
Jack, thank you again for your comment. I would love to hear more of your thoughts.
And to the rest of you, you must have some thoughts about this. I want to hear them. Please share them with me by leaving a comment (**big puppy dog eyes**).