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Monday, June 24, 2013

The Way You Eat Popcorn Bothers Me

Honesty in marriage is important. It can also hurt. I experienced this in the first months of our marriage.

Cami sat me down on our couch, a hand-me-down we got from some single friends that probably should have been thrown away many years earlier, and lovingly took my hand and while looking me in the eyes stated "the way you eat popcorn really bothers me."

WHAT!?!?!

The way I eat popcorn?

I didn't know how to respond. I just sat there dumbfounded.

Honesty is necessary to marital bliss. I know that now and I knew that then. But I was not expecting that. I love popcorn. I eat it all the time. How could something so precious and dear to me irritate the woman I loved most in all the world? I really didn't understand. I said the only logical thing to say.

"Huh?"


"When you eat popcorn you grab these huge handfuls and then shove them into your mouth. Sometimes popcorn doesn't make it in and it falls around you. You pick it up and all...but...you just look like an animal eating it like that. Why can't you just eat it one or two pieces at a time?"

Until that moment I had never considered how I eat popcorn nor compared myself to others. Suddenly one of those movie flashbacks you see started in my mind as I raced through all of the memories of myself and others eating popcorn. When the flashback came to an end a second later I looked at Cami and said:

"Huh?"

She patiently explained it to me again and tried her hardest to help me see that she still loved me even though the way I ate popcorn really annoyed her. She demonstrated how she felt that I should eat popcorn and elaborated on why. She came at it from every angle imaginable. She was patient and kind.

I still didn't get it.

However, I agreed to TRY to change. Because I loved her and wanted her to be happy...even if I didn't understand why she was unhappy in the first place.

That's what good husbands do, they try to understand, fail, try harder, fail, and finally concede that they will likely never understand and comply. And that's exactly what I've been doing for the last six and a half years. Two good things came out of this: first, Cami is happier; second, we have an inside joke. Sometimes, especially if we're around other people, I will start eating popcorn like a neanderthal. It always makes Cami laugh.

Two lessons are to be learned from this story:
  1. Honesty. It's important in marriage. It's essential. Even when it comes to the little things.
  2. When you're honest it can sometimes come as a surprise. Be kind, patient, and loving and try to help your spouse understand where you're coming from and what you are requesting. Cami did a great job of this.
Popcorn. She should have buttered me up first. (bad joke, but I had to make a crack about it)

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10 comments:

  1. You are very funny. I love how you tell stories, here is my side of the story in case you want to remember how it really happened: http://ibirthblue.blogspot.com/2013/06/popcorn-my-side-of-story.html

    :) Love you!!

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  2. I can completely relate!! Have a blessed week!

    Ashley from http://theheartofashley.blogspot.com/

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  3. This is hilarious. :D My husband eats popcorn exactly the same way you do. And I eat it the same way Cami does, two or three pieces at a time (although it's constant. I can eat a huge bowl by myself in about half an hour if I'm hungry enough).

    I should probably vacuum under our couch cushions more, as a result of popcorn droppage, but it really doesn't bother me much. I eat as much as he does even with my two-pieces-at-a-time method. :D

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  4. Well, your post surprised me twice. First, because it's told from a man's point of view. I just knew it was going to be a frustrated wife lecturing her husband. Well, it was, sort of, but I never expected to get HIS perspective too. (haven't read the THIRD perspective, the true one, on Cami's blog yet, but I"m headed there.)

    You also surprised me by acknowledging the fact that different perspectives are often a mystery to the opposite sex. With that being said, you didn't just dismiss her perspective/preference because you didn't understand it. You cared enough to try to accommodate, even if it didn't matter to me and you didn't "get" it. Well done.

    This is my first visit to your blog, coming from Hungry for God. . . Starving for Time and glad I did.

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    1. Thanks Lori! I'm glad you stopped by too. You were spot on with your assessment of my story: it's more important to work together then to "understand" sometimes. :)

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  5. LOL!! I love it!! And I'm glad I'm not the only one...only with my husband, it's pork rinds. And I understand WHY he eats them the way he does- the crunching noise is so much more satisfying with your mouth open...for him. We laugh about it now, he crunches a little more quietly, and I choose to giggle through the crunching rather than let it drive me nuts. :) Glad I stopped over from Intentionally Yours through Messy Marriage!

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  6. This is a great example of how little things really can turn into big things, Tyson. I'm glad you're pointing this "little thing" out. In fact, it reminded me that I don't like the way my husband sips his slushy. He does this little smacking noise at the end of each sip. I've never said anything to him about it, but I'm going to try and do it a way that helps and doesn't hurt. I also want to say that your willingness to receive your wife's words without anger or defensiveness is honorable. And I love that you tease her with the "neanderthal act" every once in a while. Hilarious! Thanks for linking up at my place. Great to have you each week!

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  7. Haha. Great article. What do they say? Head into marriage with both eyes open but once you're there, keep one eye shut. Something like that. But there is just something about popcorn that just makes you want to get more of it! Have a lovely day!
    Neighbors About Town Blog

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  8. It does sound like she was gentle with her approach, but man it still hurts doesn't it? Hope you have a great day.

    Heidi’s Wanderings

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  9. Ha! Wonderful. I'm afraid I'm guilty of the offense. Thanks for posting to Green Living Thursdays!

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