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Friday, May 17, 2013

What Choices Do You Make?


One of my little sisters (I have three) was married last year. She and her new husband are so cute together and are obviously in love with each other. They live in the same town as we do while he is pursuing his bachelor's degree and so we get together once a week for dinner. It gives us the opportunity to talk, get caught up on what's happening in our lives, and time for our boys to play with their aunt and uncle. Often we end up having some pretty fun and interesting conversations. This happened last week.

After we had finished eating and while we were cleaning off the dinner table my sister started talking about a new job that she and her husband have (they are resident directors at the college my brother-in-law attends). Their bosses (it's a married couple) are great and set a wonderful example for them of diligence and hard work and they really look up to them. However, one of the things they have noticed is that this couple has been married for a few years and don't really show their affection physically in public. My sister and her husband are confident that their bosses love each other, they just became worried that in another year or two they would be like their bosses and not be "touchy-feely" anymore. My sister then related that as they talked about this together (she and her husband) they realized that they didn't need to be worried because Cami and I are still VERY touchy-feely. She said it gave them hope and they realized that it's their choice how they want their marriage to be. I was impressed and proud of my little sister and brother-in-law. That realization can sometimes take years.

What our marriages are like is our choice. If we want it to be happy we need to choose that. If we want to be physically expressive (touchy-feely) we choose that too. It's up to us. What my marriage is like is up to my wife and I. We choose to be happy and touchy-feely. We choose to have an uplifting love.

What choices have you and your spouse made about how your marriage will be? Share with me in the comments. Please.

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6 comments:

  1. This is so true Tyson..you can't reap what you don't sow. Decide what you want, work on it. and stop expecting the other shoe to drop! Trust God and be awesome and that's exactly what you'll get back.
    Wonderful post!

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  2. Thanks Ngina. That's a good way to put it "you reap what you sow." Another way to say it is that you receive dividends only from what you invest in. :) Thanks for the encouragement!

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  3. We made a decision from the outset that we would create the exact type of marriage we most desired. No drama. No nonsense. We would love, respect, admire and appreciate each other all the days of our lives. And doing this has not proven difficult for us because we also decided two things from day one: 1) Never have weighty conversations after 10pm (when we are tired and might not have the same level of patience with the other); and 2) Never have a plan B. A great marriage, sans any thought of divorce - ever, is our plan A and we have no plan B.

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    1. We did the same thing Fawn. When we were engaged we decided we would never use the "D" word (divorce), not even jokingly. Even saying it can put the idea into your head and we have no plan B either. We made our choice and now no matter what comes we're husband and wife and we'll face it together.

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  4. So true! My husband and mine wedding day fell on the anniversary of both his grandparents and my great-aunt and uncle, both couples had been HAPPILY married for over 50 years. A few days before our wedding six years ago, we had asked what(his grandparents') secret was and they shared with us that it's not about giving 50/50. It's about giving 110/110 every day and that's really important. Nowadays we live in a society that scorns at showing affection for your spouse (taunting happy couples in general - only scandals and nasty divorces sell, apparently).

    Great Post, thanks for sharing. It is so important to be mindful of how we show affection and treat our spouse. Our kids have to see us being lovey-dovey to our spouses, so they can be sure "we're not going anywhere" (= not divorcing).

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    1. I love the advice you received from your "grandparents-in-law". It's true, 50/50 simply isn't enough. It's about investing our all into marriage. That's the only way we'll reap all of the blessings and happiness that are available. Thanks for sharing Bibi!

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