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Wednesday, February 27, 2013

You get married to stay married!

This is going to be a sad one so I'll keep it short.

In the seven years that my wife and I have been married there has not been a single time that I have wondered if we should continue our marriage. 

We started out making a covenant with each other to love, care for, and support one another. Have there been times where I could have wondered, maybe, but I won't allow myself.

Instead of wasting energy wondering if "we're compatible" anymore or worrying that "we're different people now than when we got married" I invest my time and energy into making sure that we are still in love, have shared interests, and that we grow together not apart.

I just do not understand the flawed thinking about marriage that is so prevalent in today's society.

You get married to stay married not so that you can file your taxes together. 


When I read this question that a reader posed to a Boston Globe columnist on Monday about whether after five years of marriage she should throw in the towel I was shocked. The reasons she listed for wanting to end her marriage were so incredibly selfish. I agree that we do need to take care of ourselves and our needs but only in a way that builds the relationship.

The thing that redeemed this experience for me was the comments from the readers. Many of them were as surprised as I was and counseled her to exercise a little maturity.

That's something we should all do, exercise a little more maturity in our relationships. 


Today I challenge you to identify one thing about which you are being selfish that causes conflict in your relationship. Think about whether it is worth the conflict and discuss it with your spouse.

Even if the two of you decide it doesn't need to change you'll have grown just a little bit closer together. (okay, this ended up being longer than I planned)

Does seeing things like this question in the Boston Globe bother you? What suggestions do you have for growing together or avoiding growing apart?

4 comments:

  1. You hit the nail on the head when you talked about the selfish nature of the questions. We are dealing with an epidemic when it comes to marriage. And it begins with us taking our vows so lightly. If only we would all understand that it's better not to take the vows at all than to take them lightly and then later regret them.

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    Replies
    1. There is an epidemic of selfishness. Add that to the power games and assumption that their spouse had better make them happy, and you have a recipe for divorce. A sad state of affairs, indeed!

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  2. I like your challenge to think of one thing that we do selfishly, causing conflict. Such a mature suggestion, and something we ALL need to do.

    Blessings,
    Meredith

    ReplyDelete

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