Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Three Dozen Imperfections

"Of all the people in the world, your dad knows better than anyone just how many flaws and imperfections your mom has," my dad's friend commented to me. "But of all of the people in the world your dad speaks and acts like your mom doesn't have any flaws and imperfections. To him, she is perfect."

What a neat compliment! I was so proud of my dad that day many years ago. I was reminded and reassured that my dad loved my mom so much that to him she was perfect. And to make it even better, everyone around them recognized that he loved her that much.

I resolved then that I wanted a marriage like that. What a cool way to approach marriage.

Today I can honestly and confidently tell you that Cami is perfect. If she has any flaws or imperfections I cannot see them. And I won't ever agree with you if you tell me she does.

I stumbled on an insightful and true statement recently and would like to share it. "We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." (author unknown)

How do you find a perfect person and fall in love with them? Start with loving an imperfect person and change the way you see them.

My dad often says "When men get married they hope their wives will never change. When women get married they hope their husbands will change. They both end up disappointed."

One's outlook is everything, especially in marriage.

Here are the three dozen imperfections (okay, it's not really that many) that keep us from seeing the perfection in our spouses:

  1. Pride
  2. Arrogance
  3. Selfishness
  4. Laziness
  5. Self pity
  6. Regret
  7. Lack of energy
  8. The media
  9. We never thought it of that way before
  10. Pettiness
  11. [add your own reasons]
I have made a decision to see my beautiful wife as perfect. I love her all the more for it. It requires me to be humble, selfless, work hard, and be dedicated each and every day. But it is worth it. 

I love having a perfect wife!

My invitation and challenge to you is to change your perspective and, if you don't already, start looking at your spouse as perfect. When you both do this I promise that you will experience greater happiness, joy, and satisfaction in marriage.



Don't miss your chance to get a copy of Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great. This book will not only help you show your husband that you love him it will help you improve your entire marriage!

You think you're happy now, and I'm sure you are, but I challenge you to read Uplifting Love and apply what you learn today to make your marriage awesome! Don't wait another minute, start taking your marriage from good to great today!

Purchase your copy of Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great right now and have it delivered to your inbox immediately! In just a matter of minutes you'll be on your way to having the marriage that your friends and family envy. Don't delay, get your copy today!
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Monday, August 18, 2014

The Monster Is Me

I only remember my dad getting really angry with me a couple of times.

Once when I was little, probably five or six, he picked me up and put my back to the ceiling and chewed me out. I wasn't hurt but it was pretty scary being eight feet off the ground with the only thing between me and safety being my angry dad.

Another time I was in my later teens. I had realized by that point in my life that if I wanted to verbally hurt dad I had to attack mom. It was the fastest and most effective way to make him angry. I said something about her or to her that must have been extremely out of line and next thing I knew I was bent over the back of a recliner in the living room with my dad reading me my rights.

I had never seen him move so fast in my life. I was too shocked to be angry for the first few seconds.

As a child I could never understand how my dad managed to keep calm and exercise so much patience with us children and with everything else going on all of the time. Now that I am a father and providing for a family with similar demands that he faced I am even more amazed at his self restraint.

There are times as a parent, and every parent will understand this, when you just feel like you are going to explode. It could have been a rough day, the kids (usually just one in particular) have been nuts, disobedience and disrespect have been rampant, and some little thing pops up and you just go supernova.

This happened with me about a week ago. I am not saying that it was right or even that it was okay for me to lose my temper. I am an adult, a man, and a father and I should be better than that. I should be able to maintain my composure. But this day I had had enough.

I had put in a long day at work dealing with auditors, new and returning students (who hadn't done what we had asked them to 100 times and were upset that we charged them a late fee), problems that other employees brought to me to solve, and worrying about some family financial issues.

After collapsing on the living room floor to play with my boys and unwind I am laying there resting. One of my sons begins to play with me, I play back, and, as usual, it becomes pretty rough and tumble. Just the way we like to play.

I announce I am too tired to go on and he backs off and sits down on the coach nearby. Cami comes into the room with the other children tagging along behind her and we all start telling stories about our day. Then suddenly the son with whom I had been rough-housing comes over to me, swings his arm, and scratches me in the eye.

In less than time than I took me to realize what I was doing he was pinned to the ground and I was yelling at him for scratching my eye. It really hurt my eye, I didn't physically harm him in any way, and Cami came to his rescue. All of this in less than a millisecond.

Instantly I regretted my actions. I got up and excused myself from the family fearing that I might snap again. After several minutes went by I had calmed down enough and the pain had sufficiently subsided that I began to wonder who that person was that had just grossly overreacted.


Certainly it wasn't actually me. It couldn't have been. I don't act like that. I'm too old, too experienced, and too in-control to lose my temper like that.

As I stood in the bedroom thinking about this I turned and saw my reflection in the mirror. I was looking right into my own eyes, and I realized that the monster I had just witnessed was actually me. I was the monster.

Of course I already logically knew that but emotionally it was a big moment. Often we try to rationalize away our actions blaming them on factors external to ourselves when really it is our own fault. We lost control. We acted poorly. We failed. We are the monsters and we have no one to blame but ourselves.

Here are three things I have learned about controlling my "monster":

  1. Stop blaming other people and other things. It is my own fault that I lost control and let myself become Mr. Hyde, no one else's.
  2. Apologize as quickly as you are able to regain control. The longer you wait the harder it will become and the less likely you are to do it. Do it now.
  3. Learn from your Mr. Hyde. Identify what set you off, how were you feeling, what had been happening at the time or just prior to it. If you can learn the warning signs you can better avoid situations where Mr. Hyde could visit.
The other day wasn't the first time that my Mr. Hyde visited and I am certain, unfortunately, that it won't be the last. But I know that I can gain greater control over my own monster (myself) as I apply the three things I described above.

I challenge and invite you to apply these three suggestions so that your monster will visit less and less often. Good luck!




Don't miss your chance to get a copy of Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great. This book will not only help you show your husband that you love him it will help you improve your entire marriage!

You think you're happy now, and I'm sure you are, but I challenge you to read Uplifting Love and apply what you learn today to make your marriage awesome! Don't wait another minute, start taking your marriage from good to great today!

Purchase your copy of Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great right now and have it delivered to your inbox immediately! In just a matter of minutes you'll be on your way to having the marriage that your friends and family envy. Don't delay, get your copy today!
Buy Now

Monday, August 11, 2014

What Do Sea Turtles & Babies Have in Common?

Well, what do you think? Sea turtle. Baby. Do you see the connection?

Sea turtles are magnificent and beautiful creatures. They start life fighting to get to the ocean as the most adorable little baby animals breaking out of their eggs and crawling for water.

Babies (after a couple of days) are beautiful and magnificent little creatures too. They are so perfect and pure and just being able to hold a baby is a gift.

But that's not what sea turtles and babies have in common. At least not what I'm thinking about. Care to proffer another guess?

When a sea turtle and a baby are newborns they can both fit in your hand and when they are full grown they'll weigh more than you do. But that's not what I'm referring to either.

Let's see. They aren't the same color or shape. And leatherback sea turtles, the largest in the world, can grow to be over 1,000 pounds so they wouldn't weigh the same either.

So what DO sea turtles and babies have in common?

When they are born they are extremely vulnerable to the environment around them. Sea turtles are born at night so that they can escape to the ocean under cover of darkness. According to marinebio.org any turtles left on the beach when the day dawns are quickly eaten by predators or they die in the sun.

Baby humans are also very vulnerable to their environment. The can catch illnesses, get too hot or too cold, go hungry, and be neglected. If left to themselves they would not survive to adulthood.

God, knowing about these vulnerabilities, created sea turtles so that they would hatch at night and imbued them with a sense of direction that points them to the ocean where they will find shelter and food.


Baby humans are blessed with mothers, fathers, and families to shield them from illnesses, help regulate their temperature, provide them with food, and care for their needs.

So that's a second thing that sea turtles and babies have in common: God provided ways to help them survive their environments. Pretty cool.

Now I ask you two additional questions. First, why are families so important? Second, why is marriage so important to the family?

Here are some answers:
http://www.uplifting-love.com/2014/06/your-divine-nature-destiny.html
http://www.uplifting-love.com/2014/06/marriage-is-totally-earthly-institution.html

What can you learn from a sea turtle? I think we should all try to develop a thicker shell.

Shell ya later!



Don't miss your chance to get a copy of Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great. This book will not only help you show your husband that you love him it will help you improve your entire marriage!

You think you're happy now, and I'm sure you are, but I challenge you to read Uplifting Love and apply what you learn today to make your marriage awesome! Don't wait another minute, start taking your marriage from good to great today!

Purchase your copy of Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great right now and have it delivered to your inbox immediately! In just a matter of minutes you'll be on your way to having the marriage that your friends and family envy. Don't delay, get your copy today!
Buy Now

Thursday, August 7, 2014

The Words that Go Unspoken

"There once was a cute little couple,
They hoped that their joy would quintuple.
But their feelings of love went unspoken,
And in time the cute couple was broken."

Just so you know, I am the author of that poem. You can quote it if you would like. I also believe you are now aware that my skills as a poet are not as finely honed as they could be.

Here's a question from English class: What message is the author of this simple poem trying to convey?

As the author, let me tell you. All of us who have ever been in a serious romantic relationship have experienced those moments where nothing needs to be said. Silence is okay and often even conveys the depth of emotion we feel for the other person. In these moments speaking would almost be a sin of irreverence because of the special feeling that fills the moment.

At times like these the words "I love you" don't need to be spoken aloud because they are felt so deeply. And that's okay. Let them go unspoken.

However, at other times letting the simple phrase "I love you" go unsaid is akin to a sin.

I have heard many times, from both women and men, that they don't tell their spouse they love them very often because they want it to stay special and mean something. If they say it too often, they believe, it makes the phrase somehow less significant and less meaningful.

Others have told me that they don't need to tell their spouse that they love them because they already know (again women have told me this too). And from a third group I have heard "I don't need to tell my husband/wife that I love them because I show them that I love them."

This is all well and good and it is important to make sure that telling our spouse we love them is special and means something, that our spouses already know that we love them, and that we show our spouses that we love them but TELLING them, actually SAYING IT OUT LOUD is also critically important.

Cami and I have counted before the number of times we said "I love you" to each other in a day. It was like thirty times. Here are some of them:
  • I tell Cami I love her when I am leaving to work out in the morning. She's asleep when I leave but that's okay, subconsciously she hears it.
  • We tell each other when I get home from working out
  • When I get in the shower
  • When I leave for work
  • Just before we hang up a phone call with each other
  • When I come home for lunch
  • When I leave to go back to work after lunch
  • When she comes to visit me at work
  • When I come home from work
  • In at least one text message
  • Often in an email we send to each other
  • When one of us leaves a room we were in together
  • Before we read scriptures at bedtime
  • When we turn off the light to go to bed
There are more but these are the pretty typical ones. I love to tell my wife that I love her. In fact, I have a personal rule that I want the last thing I say to my wife before I die to be "I love you." Because I don't know when I'm going to go I say it all the time.

And you know what? We're madly in love. I show her that I love her, she knows in her heart that I love her, I tell her I love her at special and meaningful times, and I TELL HER that I love her all of the time.

If you're not already in the habit of saying out loud to your spouse that you love them try it for three days. Say it all the time. And mean it. Then send me an email or leave a comment here or on Facebook and let me know if anything is different in your life and your marriage. It will be but I want you to see and know that too. Seriously, try it for three days and share with me the results.

We should all know that our spouses love us. Let's remind each other just how much a little more often.

For more great ways to tell and show your spouse you love them pickup a copy of my book, Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great, by clicking the link below and have it delivered to your inbox today!



Don't miss your chance to get a copy of Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great. This book will not only help you show your husband that you love him it will help you improve your entire marriage!

You think you're happy now, and I'm sure you are, but I challenge you to read Uplifting Love and apply what you learn today to make your marriage awesome! Don't wait another minute, start taking your marriage from good to great today!

Purchase your copy of Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great right now and have it delivered to your inbox immediately! In just a matter of minutes you'll be on your way to having the marriage that your friends and family envy. Don't delay, get your copy today!
Buy Now

Monday, August 4, 2014

There Will be Disagreements, But Never Argue

I have this awesome friend that is great and follows my blog. He would be great if he didn't follow my blog but because he follows it he's even better. 

He's been married for a couple of years now and we got to talking the other day about blogging, how and why I started Uplifting Love, and how it all works.

During our conversation I had the idea of asking him to write a post. So I asked him if he wanted to and he said yes! Totally cool. So, without further ado, here's what my good friend, Preston, has for us. Enjoy!





Source
“Tyson trusts you with his blog?!”

That was my wife’s response when I told her I was going to do this blog post for Uplifting Love.  After I assured her I would do my best with my very limited blogging experience, we had a fun time talking about the wisdom we have collected from loved ones throughout our lives, and during our two happy years of marriage together.

Growing up, my loving parents thankfully taught me about how important it is to be a good communicator.  My father owns several businesses, and would come home and share what he learned about communicating with employees during the day.  He taught that it is important to “over-communicate” and say to “say exactly what you mean, because no-one can read your mind or understand hints”.  My mother would always be open and willing to talk, and is an excellent listener.  She taught me “words that may be firm in information can be soft in spirit."(1)

A month or two before we were married, my wife and I sat down with someone we admire greatly.  We were living in Riverton, Wyoming at the time, and were both feeling the pressure of planning a wedding and starting our new lives together.  He gave wise counsel, and among other things he talked about how we should communicate with each other(2).  He taught:

#1) There will be disagreements, but never argue

#2) Never go to sleep mad at one another

His wife is also living proof of the joy that marriage brings, and is a fine example of cheerful living.  We are grateful for them.

My wife and I were then sealed together for time and all eternity in a temple of the Lord(3).  We are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the covenant of marriage is a precious gift for us(4).  After our temple marriage, we had a reception in one of my best friends’ backyard.

As we were standing in the reception line, we watched an older gentleman walking through the line.  He is a family friend, and is one of the hardest working men I know.  Our family knows him as “Brother Graves” and the simple advice he gave is one of the things that sticks out in my mind to this day.

He walked slowly through the line up to us with a twinkle in his eye.  He smiled and grabbed my hand.  He spoke these words with the wisdom of a sage, “In my 60 years of marriage, this is the best advice I can give you...Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.(5)  Enjoy a happy life together.”

Couples who communicate on important issues, love God, and work together in their marriage will find that marriage becomes a source of eternal happiness.  That is what my wife and I have learned in our short time together, and plan to continue to experience forever.

-Preston

(1)See “What Are You Thinking? By Elder Craig Zwick April 2014 General Conference
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/what-are-you-thinking?lang=eng
(2)For an article that goes more in depth, see https://www.lds.org/liahona/2014/02/young-adults/speak-listen-and-love?cid=HPWE071614333&lang=eng
(3)For more on Temples, see https://www.lds.org/church/temples/why-mormons-build-temples?lang=eng (4)http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages?v=1699267361001
(5)Matthew 6:33


Don't miss your chance to get a copy of Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great. This book will not only help you show your husband that you love him it will help you improve your entire marriage!

You think you're happy now, and I'm sure you are, but I challenge you to read Uplifting Love and apply what you learn today to make your marriage awesome! Don't wait another minute, start taking your marriage from good to great today!

Purchase your copy of Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great right now and have it delivered to your inbox immediately! In just a matter of minutes you'll be on your way to having the marriage that your friends and family envy. Don't delay, get your copy today!
Buy Now