Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Falling in Love is Hard Work

I have an amazing wife. She is normally so timid and a little bit shy, especially when it comes to voicing her opinions. I have to be careful not to be too forceful when we discuss things because I don't want to risk her not sharing with me what she thinks (or me not hearing if she does share). So when she gets really passionate about something and is direct in sharing her opinion I stop and take note. 

This evening I want to share with you something that Cami wrote about marriage. We have a few friends, in different places and stages of life, that are going through trials in their marriages right now. We care about them deeply and it really takes a toll on us, especially Cami, as we worry about and pray for our dear friends. It is these feelings of love and concern that prompted Cami to write the post below. Enjoy!



On a very rare occasion, I will actually write what I really feel. I have a hard time doing this because I don't ever like offending people. But today I am going to say some of what I feel, and if I offend you or cause anger, I am really sorry. I just feel I need to say something.

Maybe it is this time of year, or maybe it is that several of my friends are going through rough times in their marriages, or I don't know, but marriage has been on my mind a lot.

Why do we get married? Why is it that it is so cute and wonderful and easy to "fall in love?" And how is it that it is so easy to "fall out of love" as well?

Well here is the thing, it isn't easy to fall in love, at least not most of the time. Not for Tyson and I. I mean, it was natural and wonderful, but it wasn't easy. He worked hard to win me over. It took planning and time and a lot of persuasion. And then when he won me over, we had to win my family over. They were totally not fans of us getting married. We hadn't known each other long and no one knew Tyson. But Tyson and I fought together, we stuck through it and were frustrated with everyone for not seeing the world the way we saw it.

And it isn't easy staying together. I mean, it is a lot easier for us than some couples I am sure because I totally adore him and can't stay mad at him for more than five seconds, believe me, I try. But we disagree on a lot of things and we both work constantly just to get by financially. At the end of the day we are so tired we can barely get up off the couch just to go to bed. The kids are exhausting, cute, but exhausting. We both are irritable with each other and the world. But we are in this together, I don't want to be with anyone else. I don't want to face a problem without him. I don't want to picture being old without him there harassing me.

And when we were young (I feel old already) and starry eyed and kneeling across from each other in the temple, we promised God and each other that we would be faithful to each other and be a strength to each other and take care of each other and stay together. Maybe it is my more serious side, but I didn't take that promise lightly. When it came time for me to answer, I paused because I wanted to make sure that I was really ready for this, that there was NO backing out once I said yes. That pause freaked everyone out, Tyson especially, but I am glad I waited, and when I committed myself, I did it for good and for eternity. I am not giving up. Tyson is mine forever and we are going to not just endure it, we are going to make it a marriage that lives and breathes and sustains and strengthens.

Do other people just not take that promise seriously? Do they get so caught up in the moment that they forget the promises they made? Do they not realize just how drastic things will change and become damaged because that bond is broken? Do they not realize how much builds on their marriage and family? It is "THE fundamental unit of society" (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)

It is probably very arrogant of me to write this. There is so much pain and betrayal and sadness that I do not even begin to comprehend. I don't pretend to know what goes on in other people's lives. I just hurt when marriages fall apart. I think too often people see it as only affecting those two people and of course their kids. But so much more is hurt and affected by the crumbling bridges and bonds that once were their marriage. Not only their kids, but all the people the kids come in contact with, all the wonderful things that could have happened if that marriage had been strong, all the people that surround them and hurt for the sadness they are feeling. And to me, marriages are real, they seem like a life itself. A life that from it grows other lives and provides light and strength to other life.

I guess I just wish that people would take the time to maintain their marriages, to build their spouse up, to be their best friend, to think more about them than themselves, to understand them, to support them, to just do the little things every day so that the marriage would never die. I guess I am just frustrated that so much hurt happens from something that once gave so much happiness.
-Cami

Don't miss your chance to get a copy of Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great. This book will not only help you show your husband that you love him it will help you improve your entire marriage!

You think you're happy now, and I'm sure you are, but I challenge you to read Uplifting Love and apply what you learn today to make your marriage awesome! Don't wait another minute, start taking your marriage from good to great today!

Purchase your copy of Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great right now and have it delivered to your inbox immediately! In just a matter of minutes you'll be on your way to having the marriage that your friends and family envy. Don't delay, get your copy today!
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Wednesday, March 5, 2014

The Ever Dreaded Romance

Guest post by Cami:

I think a lot of guys kind of cringe when girls say they really just want someone "romantic" when they are talking about their perfect guy.  Or when a wife says, "why can't you just be more romantic?"  Most guys think of romantic as a description of wearing a tux (or a Mr. Darcy outfit) and speaking in British accents and bringing his beloved a dozen roses and flattering her with cute little phrases.

Honestly, as much as us women all swoon at those super cute chick flicks, we would hate to have that in real life.  If some guy came up to me (back in my single days) dressed in those clothes and told me that he was madly in love with me, I would totally freak out (unless he had tons of money and then I would have to think a little harder on that one).

So what really is romance?

I mean, rose petals and quiet music occasionally is nice, but mostly what a girl wants is for you to think about them and do something a little different.  I mean, if you read Tyson's latest post about what he did for me on Valentine's day (and a few days after), that is really romantic. 

I found Tyson putting the couches like this:

 
And I was thinking, "Hunny, have you completely lost your mind?!"  I thought for sure the couches would collapse or that he was just having a mental break down and sick of our house or something.  Tyson isn't someone to just do things randomly.  And after the kids were asleep (yes, I found the older two like this, so precious)
 
                                              
 
Tyson pulled out my CD player and started playing a CD that was full of waltz songs that I don't think we have listened to since before our wedding when me and a few friends were trying to teach him how to waltz.  We danced around the front room with all the extra space (since the couches were so out of the way and all).  That was a really big deal for Tyson to go out of his way to dance with me because he isn't big into dancing.  It makes him feel uncomfortable because he doesn't think he is good at it.  And he hates feeling stupid.  It meant a lot to me that he would put aside how he felt to do something that I really love.
 
And that is how most of us women feel, we don't really care about the bouquets or the serenading (although that can be fun), we just want to know you love us.  And the best way to show that and be "romantic" is when you show us that you care more about our happiness than yours.  That is romance.
So as long as we are both consistently showing the other that we love them and care more about them, then we will have a very happy and fulfilling relationship.
 
So go and make this week a romantic one.
Love, The Coopers




Don't miss your chance to get a copy of Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great. This book will not only help you show your husband that you love him it will help you improve your entire marriage!

You think you're happy now, and I'm sure you are, but I challenge you to read Uplifting Love and apply what you learn today to make your marriage awesome! Don't wait another minute, start taking your marriage from good to great today!

Purchase your copy of Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great right now and have it delivered to your inbox immediately! In just a matter of minutes you'll be on your way to having the marriage that your friends and family envy. Don't delay, get your copy today!
Buy Now

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Valentine's Day 2014 (Rescheduled): The Six Things I Planned for Cami (You'll love #4!)

So I surprised Cami with a belated Valentine's Day celebration, or at least a partial celebration, on Monday evening. On Friday, Valentine's Day, we picked up Mexican take-out and ate it in our living room together just talking. After we had just sat and talked (which we don't get to do very often) we watched an old chick-flick classic, Sweet Home Alabama. By the end of the movie we were both exhausted and fell asleep on the couch together. It was a nice, relaxing evening that both of us enjoyed very much.


On Saturday we began discussing when to hold a "real" Valentine's Day. We went through our calendar of the coming week's activities and realized that it was going to be March before we would have a free evening. Cami was a little disappointed but I tried to console her by telling her that there is always next year. :)

Then on Monday evening after we put the kids to bed I put the rest of my plan into action.

  1. I moved the couches in the living room to make as much floor space as possible. I even stacked two couches on top of each other! She thought that I was losing my mind; I explained to her that when the boys and I went to see the Lego Movie a couple of weeks ago (by the way, it is awesome!!) the main character built a double-decker couch and I wanted to give it a try.
  2. I grabbed two little question books that we had started a month or so ago where you each answer questions about the other to see how well you know them. We worked through another thirty or so questions in the books which is always a lot of fun (mostly because I am awesome at it).
  3. I set up the CD player in the living room and found a CD that one of our friends had made us when we were engaged for me to learn how to dance for our wedding dance that had a bunch of songs that you can waltz to on it. 
  4. After the question book game was over I turned on the music immediately flooding the room with wonderful, exciting, and romantic memories. Then I took my wife in my arms and fumbled around the living room attempting to waltz with her. I knew that this would be her favorite part of the evening because she LOVES to dance and me trying to do something that she loves means the world to her.
  5. I closed the curtains in the front room and took advantage of the romantic atmosphere.
  6. We cuddled on the couch (once I had put the couches back on the floor where they are supposed to be).
Despite the delay this year's Valentine's Day celebration was probably one of the most fun we have had in a few years. I love my wife and am grateful for each Valentine's Day where a day is set aside for me to remind her of that.




Don't miss your chance to get a copy of Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great. This book will not only help you show your husband that you love him it will help you improve your entire marriage!

You think you're happy now, and I'm sure you are, but I challenge you to read Uplifting Love and apply what you learn today to make your marriage awesome! Don't wait another minute, start taking your marriage from good to great today!

Purchase your copy of Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great right now and have it delivered to your inbox immediately! In just a matter of minutes you'll be on your way to having the marriage that your friends and family envy. Don't delay, get your copy today!
Buy Now

Friday, February 14, 2014

Valentine's Day 2014

Well, it's Valentine's Day again. Happy Valentine's Day!

This year I came up with a pretty good plan. There is a lot of strategy and planning that goes into a Tyson Cooper Valentine's Day and this year I decided to treat Cami to a more low-key celebration.

I reflected for the last two or three weeks of January on what she would like (I don't start thinking about Valentine's Day until I feel like I've recovered from Christmas which usually takes a little while). I then spent the first week of February jotting down nearly every idea I came up with. I do this in a Google doc so that she can't "accidentally" stumble upon it in the house.

Next I timed everything out: when to buy the flowers and give them to her, when to pick up her chocolates, what time our dinner plans should commence, etc.

Then, with five days left until V-Day, I began to put my plan into motion. On Wednesday I was going to go to the store to purchase her chocolates and some construction paper that I needed. On Thursday I was going to procure her dozen roses (the color of the roses is important and this year I was going to go with pink). On Friday morning I was going to pick up the donuts that she loves, etc., etc.

Wednesday came and during the afternoon, while I was in my office at work, I happened to look out the window and saw heavenly dandruff descending upon the landscape. "Oh shoot" I said. "The forecast was actually right this time. It is going to snow."


By the time I made it home a little over an hour later the roads were already slick. In the ensuing 15 hours we received over a foot of snow. Living in southwestern Virginia that meant that all travel, unless you're nuts, isn't going to happen.

The end of the story, I haven't done anything for Cami today. My well laid plans have been for naught.

We held a couple council this morning and decided to reschedule Valentine's Day for sometime next week. That's why I haven't given you any actual details of what I was going to do today. Those will be forthcoming after we have celebrated.

Hoping your Valentine is wonderful and treats you like royalty today and everyday,


Don't miss your chance to get a copy of Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great. This book will not only help you show your husband that you love him it will help you improve your entire marriage!

You think you're happy now, and I'm sure you are, but I challenge you to read Uplifting Love and apply what you learn today to make your marriage awesome! Don't wait another minute, start taking your marriage from good to great today!

Purchase your copy of Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great right now and have it delivered to your inbox immediately! In just a matter of minutes you'll be on your way to having the marriage that your friends and family envy. Don't delay, get your copy today!
Buy Now

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Now That's A Good Husband

Photo courtesy of Vial Photography
I have read many leadership books. I have taken classes and participated in seminars and conference sessions on leadership. I even have a masters degree in management and leadership. With all of the time, energy, and money that I have invested into learning how to be a great leader I try to practice a little bit of what I have learned.

One of the things that has always stood out to me as a wonderful thing that great leaders do is compliment members of their teams. This builds morale and trust and lets your people know that you care about them as individuals and recognize and appreciate their contribution. Perhaps the most unique yet impactful way that I have read about to do this is to thank those they love most like their parents or spouse for the great job that is being done.

I'm not great at this but I do try. As I was walking across campus earlier this week (I work at a university) I saw the spouse of one of my newer team members. She is doing a wonderful job and I wanted her husband to know that I really appreciated having her as member of my team.

I hollered to him to get his attention and when he turned toward me I said: "You know, your wife is doing a great job, she's really amazing."

Without missing a beat and without hesitation he smiled and responded: "Yes she is!" And with that he hurried away to class.

I felt a large grin appear on my face and a warm feeling of pride grow in my chest for my species (husbands). And I thought, "now that's a good husband."

And he is. I know that you are too.

Now, go tell someone how amazing your wife is.



Don't miss your chance to get a copy of Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great. This book will not only help you show your husband that you love him it will help you improve your entire marriage!

You think you're happy now, and I'm sure you are, but I challenge you to read Uplifting Love and apply what you learn today to make your marriage awesome! Don't wait another minute, start taking your marriage from good to great today!

Purchase your copy of Uplifting Love: Secrets to Making a Good Marriage Great right now and have it delivered to your inbox immediately! In just a matter of minutes you'll be on your way to having the marriage that your friends and family envy. Don't delay, get your copy today!
Buy Now